Comforting Conversation
Why Have a Comforting Conversation?
Everyone needs to be comforted at times, the book of Psalms has many examples of how to comfort yourself in the Lord and return to peace and joy. Psalms 16:11
You can engage in a comforting conversation with the Lord yourself or have someone guide you through it.
A comforting conversation is a way of teaching someone to calm themselves when they are in distress. Psalms 131:2
A comforting conversation will help someone focus their thoughts on the Lord so they can bring every thought captive and find peace of mind once again. Isaiah 26:3
This conversation can prevent painful experiences from becoming traumas.
When to Have a Comforting Conversation?
The time to use a comforting conversation is when a person such as your wife, child or a person you are coaching is in distress over an issue that does not necessarily involve you directly. It may also be necessary when you find yourself in distress and you need to encourage yourself in the Lord like David did throughout his life. Psalms 27:10-11
How Do I Have a Comforting Conversation?
We comfort people with the comfort we have received from the Lord. 2 Corinthians 1:3-4
We comfort people by leading them back to the throne of grace so they can be connected to God once again. Hebrews 4:15-16
We can comfort others as we receive consolation from the Lord and then willingly offer it to others. Philippians 2:1
Start with the six questions that follow and then explore the five GREAT steps to freedom.
Discover the facts:
- Who?
- What?
- When?
- Where?
Allow the speaker to express themselves but don't try to fix the problem or offer advice. You are there to listen and to comfort.
Discover the question that is causing the mind to search for answers. Often times Satan will use a question in order to capture our thoughts. Satan used this scheme when he asked Eve a question while in the Garden of Eden. He took her thoughts captive with a question. Genesis 3:1
Some can be deceived with false information while others are often beguiled when they are given just a few facts and left to fill in the rest with a story of their own imagination.
You can ask, "What do you think happened?" and "What are you telling yourself?" if they can't detect the question they are asking themselves.
In other words, what are you telling yourself about this situation?
What meaning did you give to the facts in this situation?
Often we project a negative future based on past events; the idea here is to discover this. Remember that the enemy likes to box us in, show us there is only one way of thinking or acting in a situation, usually contrary to our character. Discover the lies that are being told and then they can be unwound.
Satan is a deceiver and the father of lies, he will try to capture your thoughts first, then he will help you create a story filled with half truths, lies, and accusations so he can capture your emotions and finally your will. He wants you to make unwise choices based on F.E.A.R. so he can kill your body, rob you of your finances, and destroy your relationships.
It becomes a story when we do not have all the facts and we need to fill in the gaps with our own imagination or the accuser of the brethren helps us fill in the gaps with his F.E.A.R.
It is not the facts that create the emotion, it is the story we create around the facts.
The meaning determines the feeling. We need to be aware of the meaning we are attaching to the facts and then challenge that meaning with the truth. Often times it means seeking counsel from others so we can recognize reality and allow truth to set us free.
How do you act to those around you when you feel those emotions?
- Physical actions e.g. anger, flight, withdrawal
- Verbal actions e.g. shouting, criticism, silence
- Mental actions e.g. cursing, blaming, ostracizing
If these actions are not godly, consider that you are reacting instead of responding to the events. Even in a negative situation, we have at least one thing under our control: our response.
David would pour out his heart unto the Lord, by expressing the facts as he saw them, by letting God know the questions that were going through his mind and the answers he was telling himself. Psalms 42:4
He would express his feelings until he knew the Lord had considered his troubles and knew his soul in adversity Psalm 31:7-8, Psalm 62:8 and when he would finish he would say, "Why art thou cast down, O my soul? Hope thou in God, for I shall yet praise him! Psalms 42:5
Perfect love will cast out fear and when fear is cast out the need for control will subside. Fear is often based on false evidence that appears real. Our natural inclinations when we experience fear is to either fight, take flight or freeze. Proverbs 14:12
When we are acting out of fear we are accessing the small rear part of our brain designed for quick survival thinking and when we are being relational we are accessing the large frontal lobes where our relational circuits are found.
Science has recently discovered what God has been prescribing all along, in order to switch from the survival mode functions of the middle of the brain to the relational mode of the frontal lobes you need to start with a process called deliberate appreciation.
The following process prescribed by God and often demonstrated throughout scripture, especially by David in the Psalms, will help us move from a distressed mindset into a calm relational mindset. We will have been transformed by the renewing of our mind. Romans 12:1-2
You often see a Psalm start with a lament, an outpouring of the soul. David will describe his situation, how he feels about it, and the negative future he is predicting. This is familiar to us in the form of the first questions of the Comforting Conversation! Then David will remember how God has met him in the past and delivered him and knows that God will rescue him again. It is a familiar pattern and one that works as it uses deliberate appreciation to change the negative mindset that we often experience in our troubles.
There is a progression by which we come into God's presence and into His throne of grace. We come boldly because of the blood of Jesus that has made us holy and blameless. Hebrews 4:16
And yet we follow the protocol of heaven. We first enter into God's gates with thanksgiving (see Psalm 100:1-5).
Do you know God and that He has not forsaken you? Psalms 9:10
Do you know hat when you order your thoughts and words around Him, He promises you salvation? Psalms 50:23
We enter into God's courts with praise. Philippians 4:4
Look over the Names of God in the next tab and choose one that you identify with for this situation.
When we receive His word humbly it saves our souls. James 1:21
Think of a recent rhema or verse that applies. Look up in a concordance to see what scriptures might speak to you. We can hold onto those as an anchor for building our response to the situation. Scripture provides guidance but also comfort because it is God's eternal word.
Ask in prayer so that you may receive. Matthew 21:22
When you cry out the Lord hears you and delivers you. Psalms 34:17 Psalms 107:19 Psalms 107:28 He knows your soul in adversity and wants to walk through this situation with you. He wants to see you embody Christ's character in your response. He wants to comfort your soul. He will provide the wisdom and succor for the situation.
Ask God in prayer what you should do. Use the name you picked in step 2 and the verse(s) you choose in step 3.
Do not be overcome by evil but overcome evil with good. Romans 12:21 Do not repay evil for evil but repay evil with blessing so that you may receive a blessing yourself. 1 Peter 3:9 All the deeds of the enemy are chaff in the wind before Christ. When we respond appropriately, we can overcome.
For advanced comforting training, encourage yourself in the Lord by learning to calm your own soul. Psalms 131:2
Ten Names of God
God has many names. These are suggestions, you may have a favorite you already wish to use. Choose one that fits the situation and brings you peace and assurance.
God’s incredible power and might. He is the One and only God. He is Supreme, the true God in a world that promotes many false gods and religions. He is the one on whom we can fully rely, He is Sovereign, He is the one we can completely trust. He is the Mighty One over all of nature, this world, and the heavens above, our creative God who has worked wonders by His hands. God reminds that He is Elohim every single day. His amazing power is at work in every sunrise, every sunset, in the way He holds the stars in the sky and carries His people through difficult times. You can be assured, you are held by an Almighty God, you never have to fear, God’s hands are strong and secure.
References
In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1:1
The heavens are telling of the glory of God; And their expanse is declaring the work of His hands. Psalm 19:1
Derived from the Hebrew word for “I AM,” it is the proper name of the divine person, coming from the verb which means to “exist,” “be.” When God told Moses to go to Pharaoh and to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, Moses was scared. He needed reassurance, he needed to know God was bigger than this problem, that He would carry them through, that even if people wouldn’t listen to him, they would listen to the One who sent him. Because His name carried that much awe and honor. God’s name, Yahweh, is one of authority. It is one that holds great power, and says to all who hear, “I AM the One, true God, follow me.” God is still the “Great I AM,” for He never changes. We can trust His loving leadership in our lives, just as Moses did. He calls us for his specific purposes, reminding us that He knows our way and He has a plan.
References
But Moses protested, “If I go to the people of Israel and tell them, ‘The God of your ancestors has sent me to you,’ they will ask me, ‘What is his name?’ Then what should I tell them?” God replied to Moses, “I am who I am. Say this to the people of Israel: I am has sent me to you.” Exodus 3:13-14
Means “Daddy, Father”. Abba is the most intimate form of God’s name, showing us His character as our loving daddy. He is the One who can be fully trusted, the One we can lean on, the One who cares about all that concerns us. Just as a godly father’s presence in our daily lives is one of protection, security, and unconditional love, the constant presence of our heavenly Father is what gives us the strength and covering we need for this life’s journey. This is one of my favorite names of God because in it He conveys His heart for each of us, as His children. He gives us the privilege of being called his own sons and daughters. He provides the way for us to call out to Him and the assurance, beyond a doubt, that He hears and will answer. In our most difficult to painful times in life, we can crawl up into the lap of our heavenly Father, and know that He is for us, and His arms will hold us secure.
References
And because we are his children, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, prompting us to call out, “Abba, Father.” Galatians 4:6
Used through the Old Testament revealing God is above all gods, that nothing in life is more sacred. He is indeed the Lord Most High, the One who reigns supreme. He is greater than any force of darkness in this world, He is bigger than any problem we might come up against in this life. In daily life struggles and battles, we sometimes just need to be reminded that God is still in control. He never will lose His power and might, though the world feels dark many days, He has conquered death and sin. He is Mighty. He is Lord. He is exalted over all.
References
I will thank the Lord because he is just; I will sing praise to the name of the Lord Most High. Psalm 7:17
The kindness and care that this name holds as it points to God's character. He is one who chases after us, who follows us with goodness. He is the one who sees us when we feel lonely, all on our own, or when we just need the reminder that God is close. The name El Roi says to us that God is watching over all, that He sees the affairs of people, and knows when we feel lost and unloved. When Hagar had run away to a desert place far from those she felt hurt and betrayed by, we see God surround her in so much grace and care. He didn't leave her alone in her troubles. Nor will He leave us to fend for ourselves through difficult times. This story of God's name reminds us that He is always close, that He sees us when we feel that no one else does, and that He cares.
References
Thereafter, Hagar used another name to refer to the Lord, who had spoken to her. She said, “You are the God who sees me.” She also said, “Have I truly seen the One who sees me?” Genesis 16:13
He is all-powerful, He is the Mighty One, He is the 9-1-1 to run to. And we can find refuge and rest in His shadow. This is comforting in a world where we face many battles day by day. Sometimes it’s hard to know who we can trust, we may feel unsafe or uncertain in circumstances surrounding us. We want to know that our loved ones are protected and covered in His care, especially when they’re away from us. This verse and God’s reminder that He is the Almighty gives us the security and assurance that nothing else around us can offer. He is the God who sees all, knows all, and has the power to go before us, walk with us daily, and cover us from behind. Dwelling in God’s presence gives us shelter and rest.
References
Those who live in the shelter of the Most High will find rest in the shadow of the Almighty. Psalm 91:1
God will provide for our needs. Every one of them, He is faithful, He is able, nothing is too difficult for Him. Sometimes His timing is different than ours, maybe we feel that He’s forgotten and hasn’t heard our prayers. Sometimes we get our “needs” and “wants” mixed up, and other times He knows what is better for us than we even know ourselves. We can trust Him, that His timing is perfect, and that all things are possible for Him even when we can’t see a way out. Abraham found this to be true. Alone with his son Isaac in the wilderness, He knew and trusted that God would provide for a sacrifice in place of his only child. He believed in God’s character, and knew Him to be faithful, loving, and the God who will provide. Often it seems, that God tests our hearts like He did Abraham’s that day. He wants to know what we’re willing to lay down before Him, before He opens the doors of provision and blessing. May we be found faithful.
References
Abraham named the place Jehovah-Jireh (which means “the Lord will provide”). To this day, people still use that name as a proverb: “On the mountain of the Lord it will be provided.” Genesis 22:14
Proclaims His protection, leadership, and deliverance for His people. Just as God brought divine protection for the Israelites against their enemy, the Amalekites, He offers us protection and deliverance today from the enemies we may face in this life. While Joshua and the people fought against their enemy, Moses stood on top of a hill with God’s staff in his hands. The Bible tells the story that even though Moses grew weary, when his hands were lifted by those who supported him, the Israelites were winning, and when his hands lowered the Amalekites were winning. It was clear to all who gave them victory that day. Sometimes we spin our wheels trying to battle through our hard days in our own strength. We get weary, we get upset, we get angry, and we end up losing it. God’s reminder is to all Him to be our banner, our rotector, that One that is able to lead us and give us supernatural victory against forces and obstacles that come against us. If we allow Him to be in control, He will do more on our behalf, than would ever be possible on our own.
References
Moses built an altar there and named it Jehovah-Nissi (which means “the Lord is my banner”). Exodus 17:15
Brings comfort and hope to many of us who have prayed for healing and deliverance from disease, illness, brokenness, or painful circumstances. It reminds us that God knows we’re in need of help, He understands we’re in need of healing, and He promises to redeem every broken place in our lives. He never leaves us on our own to fend for ourselves. Without Him we couldn’t have hope for true freedom and healing, but just as God brought miraculous deliverance from all types diseases and difficulties throughout His word, He promises to act on behalf of His people still today. Sometimes the healing doesn’t come in the timetable or way that we would choose, and that can be hard. But as believers we still have this hope and assurance: we will live forever free in heaven, far away from the burdens we’ve carried here in this life. Jesus promises to make all things new, and God will wipe away every tear.
References
He said, “If you will listen carefully to the voice of the Lord your God and do what is right in his sight, obeying his commands and keeping all his decrees, then I will not make you suffer any of the diseases I sent on the Egyptians; for I am the Lord who heals you.” Exodus 15:26
God is the only One able to give us the peace that passes all of our own understanding. Gideon knew this well from a time that he and his people were surrounded by a fierce enemy. There was nothing about that time that seemed “peaceful.” And yet, God showed up strong on their behalf, He was faithful and brought deliverance straight through fear-filled days. Maybe that’s why Gideon felt so led to build an altar to the Lord and call it, “The Lord is Peace.” In times of greatest darkness, he had seen how true this was. The peace of God often doesn’t make sense to a world that would tell us to hurry and worry. A world that seems hard some days, and often so full of struggles. In the midst of it all, He reminds us that He is our true peace, so we never need to fear. No matter what we face.
References
And Gideon built an altar to the Lord there and named it Jehovah-Shalom (which means “the Lord is peace”). The altar remains in Ophrah in the land of the clan of Abiezer to this day. Judges 6:24
*Adapted from 10 Powerful Names of God (And What They Mean for Us Today) by Debbie McDaniel
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